Try, try again. I both agree and dislike this saying. Some of the most influential people in my life told me again and again, “never give up.” I’ve lived my life by those words. They are positive words, and therefore one assumes that they must have a positive effect, right?!

Let me just stop and ask, what happens when a person who struggles with mental health is told these things? Certainly we don’t want those we love to give up; so are saying these things over and over again truly helpful?

I can only share my experiences with this mentality and the truth is I’ve hurt allot and for along time because of the try harder, try again mentality.

If I can just be better, if I can just have a better day, if I can just be more focused and driven with my personal goals, I’ll beat this. Again all pretty good thoughts, the problem comes in when your driven and determined and yet you just keep failing. Instead of achieving goals you keep falling short and your good days are non existent and you might even be fighting with suicidal thoughts on a daily basis. The try harder mantra plays into the downward spiral of the depressive episode.

I am determined, resourceful and hard working. Yet every day I was barely making it through my day, to drag home at the end of it and try to pull myself together for the same thing next day. This is not living, this is barely surviving and this is certainly not wining at life.

I’ve been told everything: Try harder, dont think negative, your just dwelling on problems, ask God to “fix” me, pray because I have a heart problem, stop being over emotional. Take a natural supplement, exercise, lose weight, eat clean. Allot of these things are good things. Allot of them are very important to me. I certainly want to be right with God. I want to take care of myself, achieve my goals and conquer this vicious cycle.

The thing is all my willpower doesn’t help what chemical processes are going on in my brain and this try harder mentality is just pulling me down more every time I fall short. So all those good meaning people with there suggestions and mantras were actually bringing me down more.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t be positive or understanding but here are a list of things I think would be beneficial.

• Educate yourself! If you or someone you love struggles with depression, or anxiety or any combo of mental health challenges, find a way to educate yourself. In this day and age there is more and more awareness and the sooner you educate yourself the sooner you can prevent yourself from unintentionally saying something to someone that is struggling, that makes them struggle more.
• Don’t substitute prayer or insert religion into a mental health problem to “Take care of it”. If we are sick, we go to the doctor for help. I don’t think medication should be the first option. I think a good counselor or phyciatrist is a good first step. Ruling out any health issues that might be causing or adding to the problem, and in some cases natural supplements can help but if you’ve exhausted all these avenues and your at the end of your rope. Maybe its time to talk to your doctor to see if medication can help. It’s either going to be worse, or better. Don’t give up though, finding the right med, or combo and adjusting is a slow process. You’ve probably been dealing with these things for years,give yourself time!
• Find safe people. If you don’t have people in your life you can trust to open up to. Find a forum or group online. Many people feel supported in this way.
• Don’t second guess or down play the way you feel or let others do that to you either. You know yourself better than anyone, you know what your feeling, but you dont know why. There is always a reason whether we are conscious of it or not. So don’t invalidate those thoughts! Tell someone safe!
• Believe you have worth. When you are depressed your life has no value. If I can get you to believe that you have enough worth to reach out and get help thats the hardest step. Believe me, I’ve been there. If you do find help and get to a healthier place you will look back and wonder why you were ever there. You have value! You have worth! Do not give in to the demons in your head!

Here are a couple of links to organizations I believe in and resources that are helpful! I pray for all those hurting souls out there for healing and peace on your journey!

National Association of Mental Illness

http://www.nami.org

Celebrate Recovery is an amazing 12 step program to help you with hurts, habits and hangups. I encourage you to find your local group today!

https://www.celebraterecovery.com/